Rules to Live (and Laugh) By
May 15th, 2008I was randomly surfing around the Web when I stumbled across a blog named “Drinkplanner.com” and a post entitled “The 10 Commandments For Drinking Like a Man” that amused the hell out of me.
Despite the title most of these rules are good advice for anyone. Here are some of my favorite excerpts, but you should go there and read them all.
Thou Shalt Learn to Enjoy Whisk(e)y - Bourbon, Scotch, Irish, Tennessee whiskey and every other form of the drink shall heretofore be your best buddy. You can start by mixing with soda at first to ween yourself into it if you need to (Jim Beam and Coke is a perfectly acceptable manly drink), but at some point you’re going to have to learn to drink the stuff on its own.
Okay, now this one I have to take some exception to. First of all, no decent whiskey should ever be mixed with some syrupy sweet liquid unless you are sick and need to mix in a little honey and lemon for medicinal purposes. Secondly, if the hooch is bad enough that you need to mix it with a kiddie drink it isn’t worth drinking in the first place. Otherwise, GREAT rule!
Thou Shalt Not Consume Drinks With Idiotic Gimmicky Names Meant to Cover Up How Girly They Are - So help me God, if I see any of you jackasses out there with a Sex on the Beach or a Screw Me Blue in your hands, I’ll slap it to the ground and eat your worthless soul so fast you’ll truly come to appreciate the phrase “life flashed before my eyes” like never before. You’re not fooling anyone.
I watch that crap Bobby Flay mixes up on his BBQ show and want to vomit. How a man drinks any of that, much less with what appears to be damn good BBQ is beyond me. Grab a beer or a glass of wine, something…sheesh!
Thou Shalt Learn to Appreciate All Forms of Beer - If Natty Light, Keystone and Coors are your idea of what beer is and is meant to be, you’re living your drinking-life like that of a child in sub-Saharan Africa.
If you drink any of the beers listed above, or any like them, don’t call yourself a beer drinker. And if I am buying you will be asked to try again if you order any of that swill.
Finally, this one deserves to be quoted in its entirety:
It’s More Than Okay to Drink Wine - Knowing the name of a few good Cabernets and Pinot Noirs is a highly valuable thing. Inevitably in your life you’ll need to go to expensive restaurants for anniversaries, birthdays, and pet funerals… and knowing what’s good vs. what tastes like grape-flavored vinegar not only makes you look smart and sophisticated, but saves you from drinking grapes that taste like they were fermented in horseshit. Become familiar with the ins-and-outs of a few wines, and the impression you’ll make will be well worth it. Being labeled as “cultured” is never a bad thing…being labeled as “ignorant” always is.
Now go check out the full post!
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Since the Big Three,
While wine can certainly be enjoyed without honing the ability to taste, enjoyment does increase with education and practice. So, how does one learn to taste, particularly wine?
This bright red blend of Grenache, Syrah, and Mourvedre has a wonderful nose that combines the aromas of bright fruit, wood, vanilla, caramel and fresh herbs. Ripe dark, sweet and juicy fruit provide the primary flavors. But this is a wine that appears to be at its best, and the secondary flavors are spectacular and hint at wonderful baking spices. The age of the wine provides elegant round tannins a supple mouth feel.
It can seem that everyone present knows more than you about wine and it is easy to imagine that you might make a mistake that causes everyone to stare at you in disbelief. Neither could be farther from the truth. You can bet that most of the people there are a mix of folks possibly ranging from complete novices to serious wine drinker, and you probably fit in quite comfortably somewhere on the scale. Plus what horrible mistake could you possibly make? Swirling the wine the wrong direction? That won’t happen (there is no wrong direction, by the way).
Last night it led to more as a friend of mine from Taiwan, Chinglan, took me on a culinary adventure. Right after work she took me to Houston’s burgeoning Chinatown. We started at a very small place with the innocuous name of China Gourmet. Afterwards we were to meet her husband and my wife for Peking Duck and other more “normal” Chinese fare, but the China Gourmet was the biggest part of the adventure, that they were intentionally skipping.






